The 4X4 Man vs. The $1.8 Million Man

Modern society often leads men down one of two distinct paths.

At the crossroads, you first see the 4X4 man.

He's the epitome of stability: in his prime, he has a good job, the lads love him, but a crack around the place, does get the women.

But as years go by, from his teens, through his twenties, forties, and fifties, he remains static. He ages without evolving. The behaviors that were once “cool” fun and good to be around start to grow old can be seen as childish.

With time, life's pressures chip away at him.

People begin to doubt his word, partners lose respect, and his health, drive, and direction start to wane.

Ultimately, he becomes a hollowed version of himself, crumbling from within.

Then there’s the $1.8 Million ‘Champagne’ Man

Initially, this man blends into the crowd like a grape on a vine, neither a standout nor a leader.

While others enjoy his company, deep down, he knows he's meant for more than just weekend banter and sports updates.

So, he embarks on a meticulous self-transformation, maturing into something invaluable.

Over time, work, and self refinement he becomes a priceless $1.8 million bottle of wine, his very presence is respected because of the effort he's invested in himself.

It was said to me once “A man either ages or matures, which one is it going to be for you? Do you want to stay the same your entire life?”

Observing those around me, I found this to be strikingly true. Today, many men are complacent, maintaining the status quo and ending up as mere shells of their potential.

I say this, not from a place of “Look at me I’m perfect”.

But rather as I've been there, trapped in that stagnation. It damaged relationships, affected my mental health, and made me question my ability to provide for myself – a crucial measure of my self-worth.

(as you’ll see reading this I’m still working on a lot of the things I mention throughout the article)

Now, being surrounded by high-performing coaches, and my development in the last two and half years, I've identified 3 significant signs of maturity that I’ve seen in myself and other high-performing men I’m around(or at Least Getting There)

Purpose (Vision): 

Maturity is not merely a byproduct of chronological aging or the passage of time.

It encompasses the evolution of personal growth, a refinement of character, and a deepening self-awareness.

At the center of understanding of maturity is the concept of "purpose."

In a man's journey of growth, purpose becomes the yardstick by which one can gauge his true maturity.

This isn't about chasing global recognition or applause but is anchored in genuine, heartfelt passion.

Consider my brother's story: he invested years into ensuring his family had a secure home. Every decision he took echoed this singular purpose.

His entire vision was oriented around his family, showcasing an enduring drive to elevate their well-being.

Jordan Peterson articulately mentions, “Purpose or Vision creates an irresistible force, propelling you past what may seem like insurmountable barriers.”

Even if this force is intangible, its impact is palpable, especially when you're in the presence of a man who's unwaveringly committed to his path.

The magnetism of men deeply rooted in their purpose is undeniable. Their passion and drive can be infectious, naturally elevating those around them.

And this ties back to our initial point: a man's clarity of purpose or vision is a pivotal indicator of his maturity. It's the bedrock upon which other facets of maturity are built and nurtured.

This leads to the next point (how they build on that bedrock)…

Decisions:

I've been deeply focused on the concepts of choice and commitment lately.

This is an area of my life that I am actively reshaping, particularly in the way I present myself.

Having a vision or purpose is one thing. But it's entirely another to make the choices that propel you toward realizing that vision.

One can gauge a man's maturity by the decisions he makes, especially by understanding the motivations behind those decisions. Who is he making these decisions for?

To show you an example of this, let's take a trip down memory lane…

Back when I worked in hotels, I secured the role of Duty Manager at a 5-star Hotel in Ireland. It was a stepping stone for me, with the next target being the Food & Beverage Manager, eventually leading to the General Manager position.

However, with each decision I made, I cloaked it with the justification that "I'm doing it for my career," but in reality, I was seeking validation – from my parents, family, and friends. (especially my father)

My decisions weren't for my personal growth but heavily influenced by those around me.

Now, before making any decisions, I consciously ask myself: "Who is this for? Will this move me closer or further from my vision?"

You can recognise a man’s maturity by his decisions. Are they swayed by emotions or influenced by others' opinions? This isn't just about big life decisions; it extends to everyday choices like going to the gym and the choices he makes around food and drink.

As I've been reassessing and reshaping my decision-making process, immediate changes have become evident.

I've found more energy, more time, and even an improvement in my financial situation.

Making decisions invigorates me, primarily because I prioritize my betterment and well-being. This, in turn, enables me to be more present and effective for others.

Reflecting on my day, tallying up the moments I made choices that propelled me towards my goals—without being swayed by emotions or others' opinions—enhances my internal sense of 'self-respect' and 'value.'

Consequently, I find myself placing greater trust in my own judgment and standing firmly by my word.

Interestingly, the way I make decisions now has shifted my relationships.

Some relationships, built on the shaky foundation of seeking validation, are fading. Meanwhile, newer, more genuine relationships are forming, where mutual respect and understanding thrive.

Ultimately, having a vision or purpose, and then consistently making decisions aligned with it, leads to what I believe are two powerful traits a mature man can possess:

Integrity:

This is yet another area of my life that I am working to reshape. A confronting question that rattled me deeply a few months ago was:

"Do I trust my word? When I commit to something, do I see it through?"

This pertains to every sphere of my life. In some domains, when I commit, I follow through. But in others, my commitment wavers. Facing this inconsistency head-on required brutal honesty.

If it isn't consistent across all areas, can it truly be considered integrity? At least, that's how I see it.

Observing several men, including those in my men's group, has shown me how deeply respect is tied to integrity. It's challenging not to hold in high regard a man who is true to his word. This intrinsic trust emerges even if I've never met the individual in person.

Integrity is an unmistakable marker of a man on the path of maturity and self-betterment. It's an attribute I discern rapidly in others, primarily because I've seen its absence in my actions.

I can see the cues, the subtle lies, and the language that creates empty commitments.

In my opinion (further cemented by interactions with other high-performing men), if you aspire to be that mature, esteemed $1.8 million bottle of champagne man – respected and valued by both yourself and others—the grape's journey demands the rigorous cultivation of integrity.

To put everything into context here…

The choices we make as men not only define our present but also sculpt our future.

To evolve like the $1.8 Million ‘Champagne’ Man, our path hinges upon the pillars of purpose, decisions, and integrity.

The journey is not merely about achieving external milestones or seeking the applause of society.

It's about the introspective quest for self-growth, authenticity, and consistent evolution. It's about acknowledging our flaws, striving for betterment, and, above all, remaining true to our word.

In this era where the superficial often overshadows the substantive, it’s important to remember that true maturity and worth lie in the values we uphold, the decisions we make, and the integrity with which we lead our lives.

So my question for you is…

Will you merely age and eventually crumble, or will you put in the work, go through the process of maturity, and become a man who recognizes his true worth? The choice, as always, is yours.

I also want to point out that other areas of maturity include, your emotional awareness, boundaries, standards, discipline, and willingness to be constantly growing.

In the upcoming months, we'll uncover the hidden struggles of modern men, transcending beyond fleeting moments of doubt and the hollow echo of another empty pint glass on the weekends.

It's not just about wealth, but about tapping into your buried potential and purpose.

It's more than money; it's rediscovering passion, building genuine connections, and crafting a legacy.

We're not just aiming for success; we're striving for profound fulfillment and a life that resonates with meaning.

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